you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
