What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
