you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
