Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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