can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize