Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
