Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
