Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
