How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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