her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
