toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
