His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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