You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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