Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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