she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
