I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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