my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize