Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
