I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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