Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
