After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
