haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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