He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
