why didn't you poke me back
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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