Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
