We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well you can't waste a boner
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
