There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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