oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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