Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
