sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize