so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
