My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
