eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
