apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
