Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
