:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
