Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
