so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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