My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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