he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
