i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
