I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
