Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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