Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
