Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
