i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
