Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
