So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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