You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
