your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
