Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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