I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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