So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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