not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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