My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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