you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
