I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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