fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
