In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
