I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
