I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
