I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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