is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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