I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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