i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
