yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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