census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
