I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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