we have pet lesbian snakes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
