Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just invented taco cereal.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
