dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize