some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize