I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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