fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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