What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
